Sex

I didn’t think I would ever be writing about…THIS. 😳

I love to write.  Quite a few of you have commended me for being willing to tackle challenging issues. For about three years now, I’ve been writing about a lot of stuff:  personal experiences, loss, recovery, family, racism & race relations, faith, politics, sports…even abortion.  That’s plenty, don’t you think?  

Sex, and men misbehaving?  Nope. No way. Not a chance. Not going there. Never. 

NEVER say “never”. 🤦‍♂️ 

The attached article from USA TODAY is really what, kind of, slapped me upside my head.  I don’t want to “over-spiritualize” this, but… A Voice seemed to say, “Okay, Doug: you want to write?  You need to write SOMETHING about this, because it’s relevant, and it’s a real problem.” 

“Yeah, but…I don’t wanna.” 

I don’t know of ANY guy who wants to talk about this kind of stuff, because…well, we know, deep down, the kind of things that we are capable of trying to hide in some dark corner of our hearts.  As I write this, I’m sitting in a room, by myself.  And, I’m still embarrassed, and terrified.  I don’t feel qualified to write about this, except that, you know, I’m a guy. 🙄

NEWS FLASH:  Men struggle with sex. There. How’s that?  Finished?  Can I be done now??? 😬 

I guess Mr. Kraft is the latest “victim” of himself.  But, there HAVE been a few others, haven’t there?  The article — and you should read it — says “millions”…as in, millions of men who purchase sex from women (and children) every day.  And, the sexual aspect of this isn’t even close to being the worst part. It’s the slavery…and the abuse, and the violence, and the inhumanity that goes along with it. 

MILLIONS. EVERY DAY.  

Then, there’s R. Kelly, Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, and, just TODAY, a high-ranking Vatican official…. Celebrities, politicians, CEOs, priests, mega pastors, televangelists….  Guys like me.  I mean, guys who LOOK like me. “Normal” guys.  Not me, though….🤥

Every man struggles with sex, on some level.  Pornography, which is itself a huge problem, further fuels the demand for the sex industry, and therefore sex trafficking.  

I’m 61-years-old. I still remember my first real exposure to pornography. I was a sophomore in college. BIBLE college. Studying for the ministry…. 

I walked into a convenience store less than a mile from campus to get…something. I don’t remember what it was, because I walked down an aisle in the store, turned a corner, and there was a display of porn magazines. Right in front of me. I can’t describe the various stages of decision-making that rapidly transpired in my teenage-adrenaline-fueled mind within seconds, but there was a chemical mixture that included fear, excitement, curiosity & rationalization. 

I picked up a magazine. 

For the next 5-10 minutes, I…looked. 🤥 Okay, maybe it was 15-20 minutes.  When I walked out of that store (it seemed to me like I slithered out), there were three main thoughts on my mind:  

1) I think I’m going to Hell. 

2) If someone from the college finds out about this, I’ll get kicked out of college BEFORE I go to Hell.  And…

3) I wanted to go back and look some more. 

Guilt, shame, fear…and attraction. 

Fortunately, I didn’t become a pornography addict. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t struggled with sexual temptation and sin.  Recently, I ran across this “statistic”:  “99% of men struggle with lust and the other 1% have a problem with lying.”

I heard a “variation” of that “statistical report”, years ago, when I was a teenager. 🤦‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

Anyway, I’m not saying all men are going to do the same things. I’ve never paid for sex, or had an affair.  However, I know — I understand — that like ANY and EVERY man, I’m completely capable of messing up: wrong place, wrong time, wrong woman, wrong frame of mind, bad decision…BOOM!  And, it’s done. Just thinking about it, and putting it down like this…my stomach starts tightening up like I’m going to be sick. It literally scares the $&#% out of me. 

So, what is my purpose, or goal, in writing about a delicate, embarrassing subject that 100% of men struggle with?  (By the way, I have no idea what the percentage is for women, or what their struggle might be like. I don’t WANT to know. I’ve been married to the same woman for forty years, and most of the time, I don’t understand her, so….🤦‍♂️)  Here’s a few things that seem significant to me right now: 

1. This problem: It’s embarrassing, and shameful. Officially. More and more revelations of men treating women, girls, and yes, even boys in terrible, horrible ways for their own gratification. Human beings being treated inhumanely…like slaves. The brutality of it is beyond words. 
2. Collateral damage. This is one thing that isn’t talked about nearly enough. In so many cases, the offenders are married men, with wives and children. What happens to them?  Men:  If you’re not going to think about the damage you’re doing to the person you’re using (and you should), think about the damage you’re doing to the people you love: wives, children, other family. I’ve seen the results of this damage.  It’s awful, and it often becomes repetitive, generationally. 
3. I know this isn’t a new problem. It’s been around as long as men, women, and sin. But, that doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. The results are just as old, too. 
4. Men: This isn’t just about you, or me. Our sons, and daughters, and grandchildren are at risk. Think about them, too.  Starting today, be the dad, or the grandpa, that they can be proud of.  Hand them a legacy of integrity, and decency. They are worth fighting for. If you’re involved, or struggling, with this at any level, do whatever you have to do to separate yourself, and get “clean”. 
5. From a legal, and moral, standpoint, I think it’s important for everyone, all across our culture — Christians, atheists, Muslims, Republicans, Democrats, rich & poor — to do everything we can to stop human trafficking.

That’s all I’ve got right now.  I love you all. ❤️🙏